Adventures in Greek Television

So, what does one do whilst waiting in an Athens hotel room for someone to come pick up one's jetlagged self? We flip on the TV of course and see if it's still as surreal as I remember it being from my month here in 2004... I have the most vivid memory of laying tucked up in a twin sized bed in Patmos (the bed was hard as a board), eating greek yogurt and watching -- and crying, to be honest -- some movie which involves Macaulay Culkin dying.

Well you'll all be pleased to know that Greek TV is still as spectacularly random. On tap today:
1- Black and white footage of some people singing in Spanish on a bus. This is not merely one scene; I deduce from my repeated visits to the channel that this is the subject of the entire show. The singers appear to be hippies and radiate the type of joy you'd expect of hippies on a bus.
2- Home shopping network, seemingly devoted entirely to beaded necklaces. It is possible that the channel is called Ricardo. That is surely not the name of the model. I would guess she's an Elena and she looks bored shitless of beaded necklaces.
3- A cowboys & Indians movie. The lead character is named Charles White Eagle. He has a son who wears feathers in his hair. Everyone is speaking in American accents so sharp you could cut cheese with them.
4- Documentary about russian gymnasts. The adult being interviewed looks like she is pining for her days of glory.
5- A music concert that looks like it was filmed at a school gym. The singer resembles a young hippopatomaus, if it were possible for a young hippopatomaus to have her make-up done by a drunk prostitute. She's dancing enthusiastically, though, which is much to her credit considering that it doesn't appear there is any one in the audience.
6- The news. American soldiers somewhere.
7- A news panel set in front of a gold and purple wall. There is a silent blonde woman and two male commentators (one with a lot of hair on his head and one with none) who rattle like machine guns at one another.
8- Softcore lesbian porn. It conveys a surprisingly gentle and soothing mood through its black-and-white tone and near-silence. It's layered behind a mild fuzz of static which occasionally makes one half of the screen jump. There are unintelligible logos and phone numbers covering most of the juicy bits.
9- Football. Gooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaalll! There is no static on this channel.
10- More news. John McCain, looking much less stiff than he did during the election.
11- Something so static-y I can't even figure out what I'm looking at.

That's it from Athens tonight. Over and out!