A Dream Come True

I've always wanted a shawarma man in my garden... and, thanks to my villamate's 30th birthday bash, I finally got one! Yippee!

Concrete Ninjas!

Who knew Metro could have so much fun with a big shovel??

... actually, we should have guessed. Fun with Objects is his speciality.

Saving the World, One Naive Suggestion at a Time

Wouldn't it be great if all churches and mosques were dual-function?

Rub-a-Dub-Dub, Turkey in a Tub

Well it wasn't really a "tub"... and, strictly speaking, neither was it a bath, even though "Turkish bath" is usually how it's translated...

The hamam is actually a big marble steam room, with a domed roof and crazed, half-naked bath attendants who sing slow, echoey, yodely songs in Turkish. First they lead you into the central room where you lay on a hot marble slab with a fire underneath it until all your muscles slowly melt. Then they take you to a side room where you take your towels off and sit down to have several bowls of water thrown in your face before they tie black brillo pads to their hands and scrape your limbs until all the dead skin (and rather a lot of live skin) is removed. Next, they toss you onto a little marble shelf -- and here's I started giggling uncontrollably -- they have some Incredibly Soft Thing which they dip into a bowl of hot soapy water and, when they rub you with the Incredibly Soft Thing, an enormous volume of soap bubbles suddenly appear. After a few minutes of Incredibly Soft Thing magic, your entire world becomes soap bubbles and you float around in it while the crazed, half-naked bath attendants massage you. After the massage comes the merciless bowls of shriekingly cold water, then they let you collapse onto the hot marble until you can breathe again, then they wrap you up head-to-toe in giant dishtowels!

You can make fun of us for looking like homeless elves, but we are SO CLEAN!

Baby's First Sandstorm

The world outside looks like it's been immersed in a giant tan-colored cloud, or like my life has been gently sepia-stained.

The Emiratization of an Eva

For some reason, the girls in my office have latched on to the idea that I would look great in local dress. Maybe they're tired of looking at my un-ironed button-down shirts... maybe they just thought my face would be improved by an inch of make-up... maybe they were hoping it would make me speak more Arabic so they could laugh at my accent (apparently I sound like giddy little "baby")...

In any case they convinced me be hijab for a little photo shoot the other day. I was hoping it would come with a free Cavalli handbag, but no such luck!

Bored in Kuwait, thinking about balls

This one goes out to my darlingest wittle bwother who is being subjected to long, long days of welding and concrete and is getting delusional under the Gulf sun. He regressed to singing the jingles of decades-old children’s games and, somewhere, from the dim dusty corner of his attic of memories, he found this gem with the dirtiest jingle I’ve ever heard… Lyrics below, or you can watch the commercial on http://youtube.com/watch?v=73CeugDTQjA

That's right, I'm Mr. Bucket!
I'm Mr. Bucket toss your balls in my top
I'm Mr. Bucket out of my mouth they will pop
I'm Mr. Bucket!
We're all gonna run!
I'm Mr. Bucket! Buckets of fun!
Announcer: The game's Mr. Bucket! The first to get their balls into Mr. Bucket wins! But look out, the balls will pop out of his mouth!

I'm Mr. Bucket, balls pop out of my mouth
I'm Mr. Bucket, a ball is what I'm about
I'm Mr. Bucket!
We're all gonna run!
I'm Mr. Bucket! Buckets of fun!
Kid: I win!

Buckets of fun!
Announcer: Mr. Bucket, from Milton Bradley

YOU WIN, METRO!!

In celebration of cerebra

Here's to happy, healthy brains!

How do you say “OUCH” in Thai?

Today was a sad day for Dubai. We bid adeiu to Thiwa, the Thai masseuse / sadist par excellence. Goodbye, Thiwa! I will miss your iron-capped elbows and brutal thumbs…

I’ve been paying Thiwa to hurt me on a near-weekly basis since I moved here and I fear my trips to the Bliss Relaxology dungeon of excruciation and involuntary yelps will never be quite the same. I’ve been kneaded by the other masseuses and, though their sweet giggles mask no small measure of cruel delight in their ability to dig fingers in non-existant crevices between muscle and bone, none have quite the effect of Thiwa. He pulls me apart limb from limb then pats me back in shape. Kind of like a pulled pork bbq sandwich. Or like a potato in the utter joy it feels upon metamorphising into a delicious mound of mashed potatoes. Mmmm…. pulled pork bbq sandwich and mashed potatoes…

Eek, did I just catch myself being nostalgic for North Carolina?!

I love MP Galloway!

This is hands-down the most fabulously articulate political commentary I've ever seen on an english-speaking media channel. Please watch it!

http://news.sky.com/skynews/video/videoplayer/0,,31200-galloway_060806,00.html